15 step, 6/? (chuck, chuck/sarah, r)
May. 22nd, 2009 01:11 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ndnickersonTitle: 15 Step
Part: 6. backdrifts
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ndnickerson
Pairing/Characters: Chuck/Sarah
Series: Chuck
Word Count: 929
Rating: PG-13
Summary: if this is all you get, just don't waste it.
Spoilers: None.
Warnings: Vague S1 spoilers.
The only concession Sarah's made for their date is her hair. She looks gorgeous, but then she always looks gorgeous, even in a tight thin black t-shirt and jeans. Part of it is defense, he knows, but she does soften a little when she sees the gardenias in his hand.
"Miss Walker," he says, taking her other hand as she accepts the flowers, brushing his lips over her knuckle. She purses her lips a little, but her eyes are soft.
"And what is all this?"
"Casey explained it to me," he says, keeping her hand in his. "All I have to do is be Carmichael, when we're together. So I don't..." he shrugs a little. "Get confused."
Her face stills then, and she goes back into her room, looking for a vase for her flowers. "Chuck... you say that like it'll be easy."
"Why wouldn't it be? It's easy for you."
He keeps his voice very even and bland, but from the way her eyes flash when she glances back at him, he knows she's annoyed. "But you don't work that way."
"I can learn." The elevator chimes down the hall and he shoulders her door closed, leaning against the wall. "Because if we're not convincing, what's the point."
"And if we're too convincing..." She fusses with the flowers, not looking at him, and checks for her gun, so naturally that it's reflex. "This is Casey's solution to all this?"
"What do you think we should do?" He's been practicing it, but he doesn't say that, as he crosses the room, slowly. He's been practicing how Charles would look at her, and there is no fear, no distrust, no doubt. He's totally, completely convinced of her fidelity and affection, even just a bit awed by it. He likes the feeling, a little too much.
"Chuck..."
"I've seen the tapes, you know," he admits, and after another slow step he feels like he's stalking his prey, and her head's still down. "I blanch when you kiss me. I touch you and you jerk away. We're supposed to care about each other." He lowers his voice a little. "It's all right for us to care about each other."
"It isn't."
He shakes his head. Carmichael would just shake his head in that very knowing, reassuring way, and Sarah would maybe cry a little, and they'd end up in bed.
But not right now.
"We just really suck as a couple," he says, in his normal voice, with a shrug. "We look like thirteen-year-olds at a dance in the gym. And I overstepped the line, I know that, but... you know? The truth is that when we're in a tight spot and you kiss me just to give us some kind of cover, I literally, honestly can't believe that I'm kissing you. I am just in awe of you. And that? One day, that's going to get us both killed."
She has that eerily calm look on her face. "We do need to work on that," she acknowledges. "But still."
"You know how Carmichael would kiss you?" he asks, and without stopping he steps forward, firmly into her personal space, challenging her, one arm around her waist, the other at her shoulders, hand buried in her hair as he kisses her. Less than a second and she opens her mouth, as he angles her body against his and it's like the entire world has come crashing to a halt, just for this. She squirms and he lets her step back, and it takes every ounce of willpower to keep Carmichael's breezily self-assured look, instead of the wide grin that wants to take him over.
"So we'll just pretend to be other people?"
"Isn't that what you've been doing all along?" She still looks just a little shaken, so he perches on the bed, keeping his gaze on her. "So now, if our cover calls for us to make out, or... hell, act like a real couple, we can. Without all the mixed signals."
She runs her hands through her hair and it ends up looking even sexier. "Except in Castle," she says firmly. "Except here. Lie too much and you'll forget which person is real."
"And you'd know all about that," he says quietly, and this time her sharp gaze finds only genuine sympathy on his face.
"I chose this life," she says, just as softly. "You didn't."
"Yeah, Bryce chose it for me."
It's when they're in the hallway outside her room, when she loops her arm through his and smiles sunnily up at him, and there is no tremor, no sign at all that she has any qualms, that he realizes it. He resigned himself to having her only in those quiet moments they share, after the guns are put away and they've gone back to what passes for normal anymore, but he's damned himself to distancing them even there. And everything, every embrace, every kiss, is a lie.
And that's how it has to be.
He loops his arm around her waist and she snuggles into his side as they ride the elevator down to the first floor, and for Carmichael it's just been a year and a half of this, this perfect slow relationship, but for Chuck it's like admitting all he can ever hope for is a patronizing kiss or a more convincing embrace.
If this is all you get, just don't waste it.
He drops a kiss on her hair before they walk out of the elevator car and into the night.
Part: 6. backdrifts
Author:
ndnickersonPairing/Characters: Chuck/Sarah
Series: Chuck
Word Count: 929
Rating: PG-13
Summary: if this is all you get, just don't waste it.
Spoilers: None.
Warnings: Vague S1 spoilers.
The only concession Sarah's made for their date is her hair. She looks gorgeous, but then she always looks gorgeous, even in a tight thin black t-shirt and jeans. Part of it is defense, he knows, but she does soften a little when she sees the gardenias in his hand.
"Miss Walker," he says, taking her other hand as she accepts the flowers, brushing his lips over her knuckle. She purses her lips a little, but her eyes are soft.
"And what is all this?"
"Casey explained it to me," he says, keeping her hand in his. "All I have to do is be Carmichael, when we're together. So I don't..." he shrugs a little. "Get confused."
Her face stills then, and she goes back into her room, looking for a vase for her flowers. "Chuck... you say that like it'll be easy."
"Why wouldn't it be? It's easy for you."
He keeps his voice very even and bland, but from the way her eyes flash when she glances back at him, he knows she's annoyed. "But you don't work that way."
"I can learn." The elevator chimes down the hall and he shoulders her door closed, leaning against the wall. "Because if we're not convincing, what's the point."
"And if we're too convincing..." She fusses with the flowers, not looking at him, and checks for her gun, so naturally that it's reflex. "This is Casey's solution to all this?"
"What do you think we should do?" He's been practicing it, but he doesn't say that, as he crosses the room, slowly. He's been practicing how Charles would look at her, and there is no fear, no distrust, no doubt. He's totally, completely convinced of her fidelity and affection, even just a bit awed by it. He likes the feeling, a little too much.
"Chuck..."
"I've seen the tapes, you know," he admits, and after another slow step he feels like he's stalking his prey, and her head's still down. "I blanch when you kiss me. I touch you and you jerk away. We're supposed to care about each other." He lowers his voice a little. "It's all right for us to care about each other."
"It isn't."
He shakes his head. Carmichael would just shake his head in that very knowing, reassuring way, and Sarah would maybe cry a little, and they'd end up in bed.
But not right now.
"We just really suck as a couple," he says, in his normal voice, with a shrug. "We look like thirteen-year-olds at a dance in the gym. And I overstepped the line, I know that, but... you know? The truth is that when we're in a tight spot and you kiss me just to give us some kind of cover, I literally, honestly can't believe that I'm kissing you. I am just in awe of you. And that? One day, that's going to get us both killed."
She has that eerily calm look on her face. "We do need to work on that," she acknowledges. "But still."
"You know how Carmichael would kiss you?" he asks, and without stopping he steps forward, firmly into her personal space, challenging her, one arm around her waist, the other at her shoulders, hand buried in her hair as he kisses her. Less than a second and she opens her mouth, as he angles her body against his and it's like the entire world has come crashing to a halt, just for this. She squirms and he lets her step back, and it takes every ounce of willpower to keep Carmichael's breezily self-assured look, instead of the wide grin that wants to take him over.
"So we'll just pretend to be other people?"
"Isn't that what you've been doing all along?" She still looks just a little shaken, so he perches on the bed, keeping his gaze on her. "So now, if our cover calls for us to make out, or... hell, act like a real couple, we can. Without all the mixed signals."
She runs her hands through her hair and it ends up looking even sexier. "Except in Castle," she says firmly. "Except here. Lie too much and you'll forget which person is real."
"And you'd know all about that," he says quietly, and this time her sharp gaze finds only genuine sympathy on his face.
"I chose this life," she says, just as softly. "You didn't."
"Yeah, Bryce chose it for me."
It's when they're in the hallway outside her room, when she loops her arm through his and smiles sunnily up at him, and there is no tremor, no sign at all that she has any qualms, that he realizes it. He resigned himself to having her only in those quiet moments they share, after the guns are put away and they've gone back to what passes for normal anymore, but he's damned himself to distancing them even there. And everything, every embrace, every kiss, is a lie.
And that's how it has to be.
He loops his arm around her waist and she snuggles into his side as they ride the elevator down to the first floor, and for Carmichael it's just been a year and a half of this, this perfect slow relationship, but for Chuck it's like admitting all he can ever hope for is a patronizing kiss or a more convincing embrace.
If this is all you get, just don't waste it.
He drops a kiss on her hair before they walk out of the elevator car and into the night.
