15 step, 5/? (chuck, chuck/sarah, r)
Mar. 31st, 2009 11:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ndnickersonTitle: 15 Step
Part: 5. reckoner
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ndnickerson
Pairing/Characters: Chuck/Sarah
Series: Chuck
Word Count: 780
Rating: PG-13
Summary: They lay down ground rules.
Spoilers: None.
Warnings: None. I made up something that as far as I know, we haven't found out on the show; if we have, feel free to correct me.
"Are you going to try to get another assignment?"
It squeaks out of him, and Chuck clamps his mouth shut after, eyebrows going up, even though Sarah's not looking at him. They've been back from their latest assignment for three days; when he asks, tentatively, about cover dates, some sort of maintenance, protests that Ellie will get nervous, Sarah just snaps that he can think of something perfectly well. And he can.
He's afraid that getting her flowers now would just be a waste, and despite his sinking heart he wants some way to make this right, to do what Casey said and treat her, within the context of their fake doomed relationship, the way he wishes he could treat her every day. His damned hormones and that bottle of rum beside the point. That wasn't him. That was frustration and unguarded desire and he doesn't let himself think about how she felt, grinding against him, and...
The flash of her eyes immediately pulls him back. "Are you saying you want me to?" While he was imagining her, she picked up a knife and sharpener; the sharp, angry sound of metal against metal makes him flinch.
"I'm saying you've been acting... strange."
She closes her eyes and takes what's probably supposed to be a long, cleansing breath, her knuckles going white. "If this is strange, then..." She shakes her head and backs up. "This is how we should have been acting from the start. How I should have been acting. I obviously... we've been misinterpreting signals, and I'm trying to make sure that doesn't happen again." She reviews what she said and tops it with a firm nod. "I realize you've wanted to... go on some more cover dates, but I felt some time needed to pass, just so we didn't..."
At that point he tunes out, watching her lips, not hearing what she's saying, hearing what she means.
I'm afraid of what will happen if we're alone together again.
I'm afraid of what I will let happen if we're alone together again.
It's easy for him to feel how damned impossible this is. He hasn't, in all this, ever thought about how this must feel to her, outside that rejection, because she's so good at closing herself off, she's supposed to be trained to deal with it, her heart isn't supposed to break at the conclusion of every cover relationship.
And it will be a thousand times easier for her if she just stops this now, if she makes herself leave. But she hasn't.
Chuck isn't her type. Charles Carmichael is, though.
And we can be safe.
He waits for her to stop talking and smiles, and it's genuine. "Sarah, what's your favorite movie?"
He watches very carefully to see if she gives him that little stutter that means she's lying, but she's been so focused on convincing him that they need this break, that she comes out with "Casablanca" almost immediately. And maybe it isn't, but Charles is dating Sarah, Chuck isn't dating Jenny. So he'll take it, as he watches her put the knife down, her brows drawing together as she glances at him.
"So, when you're ready again, and I'm ready again, we'll go on another date. And we'll sell it. And I'm not going to ask you again, what's going on with us; I know, I already know. We're great. For as long as I'm the Intersect, we'll be great. I'm gonna keep telling myself that." He gives her a tight little smile. "It's just, I've finally figured out how to make it work. So it's not gonna happen again." He reaches for her hands and gives them a little squeeze. "I promise."
She gives him a very small, very brief smile, her face still troubled, but even that is enough to make his insides unknot, just a little. He hasn't realized until just now how much this has eaten at him.
"I just want this to be okay again," he says, looking her in the eye, keeping even the faintest desperation out of his voice.
"Why?" she asks, and he hears the echo of it again, that lost little girl.
"There's no one else I'd rather have my back."
Her smile widens. "Not even Casey?"
Chuck dismisses him with a wave of his hand. "Don't worry about him, he's already offered to be my date to Ellie's wedding."
She actually laughs, a little too loud, and he thinks, maybe it wasn't so easy for you either.
"We're gonna be okay, Sarah."
"If you say so," she replies, keeping his hand in hers a beat longer, her blue eyes gazing up into his, before releasing him.
Part: 5. reckoner
Author:
ndnickersonPairing/Characters: Chuck/Sarah
Series: Chuck
Word Count: 780
Rating: PG-13
Summary: They lay down ground rules.
Spoilers: None.
Warnings: None. I made up something that as far as I know, we haven't found out on the show; if we have, feel free to correct me.
"Are you going to try to get another assignment?"
It squeaks out of him, and Chuck clamps his mouth shut after, eyebrows going up, even though Sarah's not looking at him. They've been back from their latest assignment for three days; when he asks, tentatively, about cover dates, some sort of maintenance, protests that Ellie will get nervous, Sarah just snaps that he can think of something perfectly well. And he can.
He's afraid that getting her flowers now would just be a waste, and despite his sinking heart he wants some way to make this right, to do what Casey said and treat her, within the context of their fake doomed relationship, the way he wishes he could treat her every day. His damned hormones and that bottle of rum beside the point. That wasn't him. That was frustration and unguarded desire and he doesn't let himself think about how she felt, grinding against him, and...
The flash of her eyes immediately pulls him back. "Are you saying you want me to?" While he was imagining her, she picked up a knife and sharpener; the sharp, angry sound of metal against metal makes him flinch.
"I'm saying you've been acting... strange."
She closes her eyes and takes what's probably supposed to be a long, cleansing breath, her knuckles going white. "If this is strange, then..." She shakes her head and backs up. "This is how we should have been acting from the start. How I should have been acting. I obviously... we've been misinterpreting signals, and I'm trying to make sure that doesn't happen again." She reviews what she said and tops it with a firm nod. "I realize you've wanted to... go on some more cover dates, but I felt some time needed to pass, just so we didn't..."
At that point he tunes out, watching her lips, not hearing what she's saying, hearing what she means.
I'm afraid of what will happen if we're alone together again.
I'm afraid of what I will let happen if we're alone together again.
It's easy for him to feel how damned impossible this is. He hasn't, in all this, ever thought about how this must feel to her, outside that rejection, because she's so good at closing herself off, she's supposed to be trained to deal with it, her heart isn't supposed to break at the conclusion of every cover relationship.
And it will be a thousand times easier for her if she just stops this now, if she makes herself leave. But she hasn't.
Chuck isn't her type. Charles Carmichael is, though.
And we can be safe.
He waits for her to stop talking and smiles, and it's genuine. "Sarah, what's your favorite movie?"
He watches very carefully to see if she gives him that little stutter that means she's lying, but she's been so focused on convincing him that they need this break, that she comes out with "Casablanca" almost immediately. And maybe it isn't, but Charles is dating Sarah, Chuck isn't dating Jenny. So he'll take it, as he watches her put the knife down, her brows drawing together as she glances at him.
"So, when you're ready again, and I'm ready again, we'll go on another date. And we'll sell it. And I'm not going to ask you again, what's going on with us; I know, I already know. We're great. For as long as I'm the Intersect, we'll be great. I'm gonna keep telling myself that." He gives her a tight little smile. "It's just, I've finally figured out how to make it work. So it's not gonna happen again." He reaches for her hands and gives them a little squeeze. "I promise."
She gives him a very small, very brief smile, her face still troubled, but even that is enough to make his insides unknot, just a little. He hasn't realized until just now how much this has eaten at him.
"I just want this to be okay again," he says, looking her in the eye, keeping even the faintest desperation out of his voice.
"Why?" she asks, and he hears the echo of it again, that lost little girl.
"There's no one else I'd rather have my back."
Her smile widens. "Not even Casey?"
Chuck dismisses him with a wave of his hand. "Don't worry about him, he's already offered to be my date to Ellie's wedding."
She actually laughs, a little too loud, and he thinks, maybe it wasn't so easy for you either.
"We're gonna be okay, Sarah."
"If you say so," she replies, keeping his hand in hers a beat longer, her blue eyes gazing up into his, before releasing him.